Youth

As a middle-aged bloke, I’m getting pretty pissed off about still being accused of ruining my children’s future by voting leave in the referendum three years ago.

For a start, I didn’t. For some unknown reason, I didn’t think, “Oh, it’s written on the side of a bus, it must be true.” If that were the case, ‘X-Men Dark Phoenix’ would be the best film ever made. It’s not, by the way, it’s completely shite.

Nor did I ‘Not really know what I was voting for’. If you don’t know what you’re voting for, it’s really easy. Don’t fucking vote. The Daily Mail and Russian bots aren’t going to frogmarch you down to the voting station and force you to place tick in the ‘leave’ box. Boris might, I suppose.

No, one reason why it’s certainly not my generations fault is that we actually voted, whereas the ‘youngster’s didn’t. And I know why.

Take Steve. He was 18 in 2016, but was too busy up in his bedroom playing Fast and Furious, surrounded by acne puss stained tissues and spunk infused socks. He didn’t think he needed to vote, because his mate Dave would be down the polling station, making a mark for his age group.

Except he wasn’t. Dave got up at 9.30, met Steve’s mum in a Premier Inn and shagged her brains out for 30 minutes, after which he returned home completely knackered, not to surface from his bed again until the next day.

Steve’s mum voted of course. Voted leave. She got up at 7, made the family’s breakfast, did the housework, wrote a website’s worth of computer code and wandered down the polling station on her way to meet Dave.

But that’s OK, because Steve and Dave’s mate Millie would have voted. She’s really into politics.

But she didn’t vote either.

Millie was too busy taking part in an anti-Brexit protest march in London, pissing in bottles, chanting left-wing slogans and informing her 24 Twitter followers that the BBC was definitely biased. She was too engrossed in her own smug pointless political activity that she forgot to vote.

Either that or maybe she didn’t realise she needed to vote. Maybe the young these days think that all you have to do to change the world is protest. Maybe they believe that blocking bridges, chucking milkshakes and sticking initials at the end of your Twitter handle is all you have to do to make anything happen.

The young, eh. Fucking idiots.